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Did the winner pull off an incredible feat? Or could it be that the faithfuls act incredibly – that is to say sensational terribly? Discussions will rage on social media for ages, but either way the victor of the inaugural – and probably not the concluding – edition of The Celebrity Traitors is the deceptive Alan Carr.

When first anointed by the presenter, viewers assumed he could not endure an hour. And he did not. “I’m unwell. I have a moisture dilemma and find it impossible to maintain a secret.” He also cannot whisper or recall if he had secured a shield.

Yet, in the company, by several of the least astute players of the game for quite some time, he managed to succeed, developing into the role with frightening facility. He concluded with a theatrical gesture, erupting with partially insincere weeping about how challenging it had been for him to shoulder the deadly weight.

The two surviving trusting contestants, hurried to console him (“It was destroying me internally!”). Viewers watching, one could imagine heavenward looks and shouts.

The Ultimate Face-Off

As things commenced of the final, there had been five surviving contestants of the starting group of nineteen. Subsequent to one ultimate team challenge, including a railway engine, a cash sum in locked boxes, access items and hints placed within the wagons, and two metal-bound caskets (“I took the lead a bit there,” notes one participant of the unwrapping. “Since I was willing to lose a finger”), they gathered for their final discussion.

Two participants cast their votes for another player, in spite of the academic’s notable history of thinking his way to every wrong conclusion possible. I hold strong in my opinion that this player would have made the planet’s best deceiver, but as a loyalist he was catastrophic.

He was able to choose another contestant at the table, nevertheless, and she was rightfully expelled at last.

Heartbreak and Reconciliation

Now we are four. It is difficult to recount to detail what transpired following. A specific participant … experienced a doubt. An instance when he doubted his closest ally. Among the most profound bonds of recent history, between the biggest personality and the smallest figure on television, the athlete and the problem-solver, faltered under the impact as the uncertain player displayed his last vote to unveil his best buddy’s name.

The accused remained steady – his nature does not allow for it – but if he could, he might have. “Yet I care for you,” the friend said, helplessly.

The ousted contestant went, the last duo thought they were safe and after some business entailing throwing pouches into a fire, the group chose to finish the game.

Being the only last betrayer, Alan was proclaimed the success and secured the full prize pot for the pediatric cancer organization. Yet, the key aspect is that when the emcee guided the quintet to a reunion on the fortress stairs, amends was immediate.

Saying Goodbye to the Contestants

I will, along with the in excess of 13 million other audience members, long for each one. (Excluding a couple of participants who never got a chance to achieve a lot, and another who never apologised for botching a specific task.)

I shall miss the bitter fury of a certain contestant, the theatrical sadness of a separate player, the utter inability of a further contestant to interpret events without self-reference.

I shall miss an individual’s aversion to lengthy terms, a pair’s wit, a singer’s undeniable aura, a musician as the distillation of everything that endures as virtuous in this imperfect reality, a veteran host as TV’s enduring personality, a kind-hearted player and the constant uncle-like charm of a cherished personality, along with all the endgame contestants.

Most importantly I will pine for the poise and refinement of an individual participant, so supremely noble even when shouting into a hole or passing gas in a hut. As the figure below the emcee’s tresses made clear on multiple times, you were, mostly, inept in the competition. But you were superb, fantastic amusement.

This celebrity edition can be found for streaming currently.